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Geologists are 'scientists' with an unnatural obsession with rocks and alcohol.

One of the main difficulties in communicating with geologists is their belief that a million years is a short amount of time and their heads are harder than rocks.

They tend to not give a shit about hot political topics, such as anthropogenic climate change, since each one of them can name at least 20 other geologic events that are going to wipe our asses out way before sea levels rise and increased hurricane activity bother us.

When it comes to politics they just don't give a shit. They would rather be hiking in a desert looking at beach sand that happened 200 million years ago.

It is a well-established fact that field geologists are magma-hot. This is not well known because field geologists tend to stay in the field most of the time, where only other field geologists get to see how hot they are.

There is a considerable, and still growing body of scientific literature that suggests that geologists are in fact the world's first alcohol-based life form. Owing to a crucial imbalance in blood electrolyte levels (possibly caused by overexposure to bad rock puns) most find it necessary to imbibe vast quantities of alcoholic beverages at every opportunity. If you ever encounter a geologist who is sober after 6pm, this person is an imposter: possibly an alien; probably a geophysicist, marine geographer or hydrologist. Alcoholism is an acceptable, even socially beneficial, disease for an active geologist

The phrase "I am not an alcoholic, I am a geologist" has become quite common within many student body's to explain their metamorphism from an organic based life form to a alcohol-based one. .

Alcohol is an essential companion and tool in the field (as well as out), just as important as the rock hammer, Brunton compass, and hand-lens

How to spot a Geologist: To spot a geologist in the wild, look for:

o Hand-lens, compass, pen-knife, handcuffs etc. tied round neck with string.

o Someone explaining to airport security that a sidewall core covered in gunpowder residue isn't really a weapon.

o Takes photos, includes people only for scale, and has more pictures of rock hammer and lens cap than of his family

o Some who has travelled to Jupiter's moon, IO, and thought the coolest part about it were the volcanoes and not the space travel.

o Someone with a collection of beer cans/bottles that rivals the size of his rock collection.

o Someone who brings beer instead of water when hiking.

o Someone whose lunch consists of rocks, instead of ordinary bread.

o Someone whose child is trained to know the geologic timescale before being able to walk.

o Often has hair in a pony-tail (this applies to male or female geologists).

o Someone who considers a "recent event" to be anything that has happened in the last hundred million years.

o Someone who licks and/or scratches & sniffs rocks or in case of china clay will eat it to prove its perfectly safe.

o Someone who eats dirt and claims to be "getting an estimate of grain size"

o Someone who will willingly cross an eight-lane interstate on foot to determine if the outcrops are the same on both sides.

o Someone who can pronounce the word molybdenite correctly on the first try

o Someone who has hiked 6 miles to look at a broken fence that was "offset by a recent earthquake".

o Someone who says "this will make a nice Christmas gift" while out rock collecting.

o Someone who even on an average day in the field can make Indiana Jones look like a bit of a klutzy wuss

o They look at scenery and tell you how it formed

o Pockets tend to be filled with bits of rock.

o Wears hiking boots constantly,even for formal functions, occasionally sandals with (obligatory) socks

o When on a beach will collect shells and try to explain their muscle scars to you.

o Someone who prefers to explain the sequence of events shown in a cliff face to sunbathing

o They plan extra time on trips to investigate road cuts along the way.

o Almost crashes his/her car looking at road cuts while driving.

o Someone who uses his geologic hammer to halve a boiled egg.

o Can identify the chemical formula for Cummingtonite...and chuckles like a junior-high kid every time.

o Someone who walks into an art museum and looks at the floors and columns commenting on the stylolites and fossils, rather than looking at the paintings.

o Someone who takes special interest in your granite countertops in the kitchen and after a few minutes will even produce handlenses before giving other guests an igneous petrology lesson.

o Someone who gets really upset when the countertop, which is obviously
mafic/aphanitic/metamorphic, is called granite and takes 20 minutes to tell you why you're
wrong.